Professor Smita & Professor Prem Chander PGP-SPA, FPM
“When you want to retain the difference, the conflict resolves itself.”
How do you balance long work hours and a chaos free household?
SMITA: They are oxymoron, they don’t go together. Long working hours means chaos-full households! We do not manage! We agree to work long hours, and live with the chaos in the household. It provides for a happy mind, we are happy with that.
That said, Prem is a very organised person, and makes sure that the tea is made on time, the two mothers who stay with us get their breakfast and medicines in time, and food is on the table always.
PREM: 1. Sharing household work equally. 2. By and large having some division of work. 3. Not having gendered stereotypes for jobs like taking care of the babies or managing construction work round the house.
How do you make sure that you spend time with your partner?
SMITA: We ensure that we have a few evenings together in between travels. Then we watch movies, read or have a beer together and chat. We always find time together in between assignments. Of course, it is never enough.
PREM: By doing as many things together as possible outside work. 2. By deciding to spend more time in doing activities that we do together.
What are a couple of things that you appreciate about your relationship and why do these things seem significant?
SMITA: In a couple, there are not only a couple of things one appreciates, there are many! The most important is of course respect, a woman values equality and respect. Prem has an inherent lack of gender bias which is very valuable. We could not have been partners without this characteristic of his. The second is his inherent sense of justice, towards everyone he comes in touch with, and this makes our life very connected with others in society, and very responsible.
PREM: 1. Being on the same page on most critical issues that affect us, like family, career etc; 2. Complete trust that each of us will take decisions in the best interest of family. 3. Full knowledge that one will get unvarnished clear views on all issues of importance.
How did you go about career growth and career planning “together”?
SMITA: Prem has always wanted to gain both: industry experience and teaching experience. And once in a teaching institution, whether IIMB or IIMA, he has taken important administrative responsibilities. We talk about what the other person wants to do, and the default attitude always is: Sure. He has always encouraged me to do what I want to do, as well, pitching in to take care of all home responsibilities. We both had our career choices set early on, these main directions remained steady, the changes have been only from one institution to another!
PREM: We were fortunate that during periods when one of us needed to focus on career the other could take a slower pace and increase efforts at home and with children.
Have you lived/living in different cities? If yes, how do you cope with family commitments/manage trying travel schedules?
SMITA: We have moved cities four times, and additionally, houses four or five times. Moves can be perceived as problematic, or as interesting. At least three times, it also involved staying apart for over six to eight months. We just replaced clothes and other items lower on the priority list, and provided a lot of business to many airlines. Being family friendly meant being less environment friendly, we hope to reduce air travel significantly now!
PREM: Only for very brief periods. As indicated earlier the other partner had a slower career and stepped up efforts with children and home.
Do work conflicts come home? How do you keep rivalry at bay?
SMITA: Work conflicts do come home, individuals are carriers of conflicts! In our case, they come home to be resolved. To be discussed objectively, for us to place an issue on the table, and to arrive at a way of approaching the problem that we would back each other with. Other repercussions would ensue, and we were always willing to pay for our decisions.
We have been proud of each other’s achievements, there is no rivalry! Comparisons did create conflicts, but only for a short while, then the realisation dawned that there was no point us being like each other! We are very different individuals, with very different personalities. When you want to retain the difference, the conflict resolves itself.
PREM: No. Our fields of work were completely different so no conflict. Our conflicts at work with others did come, home when we would be each other’s councilors.
