Veena & Vikas Mankar PGP ’75
“Whenever one of us took a break or risk of turning entrepreneur, the other brought home the bacon!”
How do you balance long work hours and a chaos free household?
We are now empty nesters and currently it’s more about managing time to be able to travel and meet children and grand-children spread across the globe. The household is chaos-free, but we would love some chaos right now!. Life is a journey – and from our early days as a couple with no kids, to the in between years when they arrived (first two girls in quick succession and a boy a bit later), we tried to share responsibilities, though it was not easy. When the pressure of work with family got very demanding, Veena decided to take a break of five years, then did part-time work .We always spent more than necessary on domestic help – even when it really stretched the budget. There were enough times when chaos prevailed – we all (including the children), learnt to manage and cope with it. A joint family also helped to share the load and Veena gradually went back to work. Both have shouldered the parental responsibilities, without following gender stereo types; though there was some division of labour that each preferred –Veena cooked and Vikas took care of the outside home chores, but each took additional load depending on who could take time off. The children also grew up very independent, the older siblings managing the youngest one’s need for supervised time.
How do you make sure that you spend time with your partner?
More than just as a couple, we focused on family time together, especially on weekends. We avoided working on weekends. Dinner times were strictly family time, with no distractions. We love travel – took regular vacations, saw movies, went on picnics and spent a lot of time with family friends who had children of similar ages. There was less time for each other when the children were younger, but that changed as they grew up.
What are a couple of things that you appreciate about your relationship and why do these things seem significant?
We have and continue to enjoy each other’s company and spend a lot of time together, reading, talking, listening to music. We have had similar values & approach on how to bring up the children. We have also been able to mostly agree on the big expenditures & investments – on the smaller ones we don’t really stop each other from making, even what the other may consider, silly choices. Shared values, some shared interests, a love of being with friends and family, a contentment in each other’s company and the fact that each of us tends to forgive and forget what cannot be undone and move ahead, have made this journey an eventful, happy one.
How did you go about career growth and career planning “together”?
We have not specifically planned a career graph, but as and when opportunities came, talked about the changes they would involve, and made a joint decision to pursue the preferred path. The career graph or money for one of us was not the biggest reason for a decision; it was certainly a consideration, but more important was what the whole family wanted. In the early years, when the children were small, Veena’s career took a back seat. However, at a stage when Vikas’ career was settling in Muscat – we decided it was better for the family if he came back, as he had relocated to Muscat alone, expecting us to join him in a year or so.
Have you lived/living in different cities? If yes, how do you cope with family commitments/manage trying travel schedules?
Yes- for a period of four years, Vikas lived in Muscat and the rest of the family in Mumbai, since the children were well settled in school. This was probably the toughest stage in our lives, for all. Vikas travelled back once in two-three months and we would go to Muscat every three or four months.
Do work conflicts come home? How do you keep rivalry at bay?
We try not to discuss work too much at home, unless seeking a perspective or advice from each other. As our careers have been with different industries, have not really had conflicts. We have managed to resolve the time conflict for family versus work reasonably. Veena is much more of a workaholic than Vikas. Vikas has always prioritised a work-life balance – and the children will call him in an emergency!
Please share any instance of compromises in career growth for the family. (One by husband & one by wife):
Veena did not work from 1980-86, except for some part time assignments and teaching. It was a frightening prospect to find work again – but the opportunity came!
Vikas left a successful career in Muscat and returned to Mumbai, to be back with the family, as Veena and the children did not want to move to Muscat for career and academic reasons respectively. He decided to turn entrepreneur thereafter.
How does it help being in the same boat?
It makes for a wonderful understanding of the pressures each one faces, a shared journey. Also, whenever one of us took a break or the risk of turning entrepreneur, the other brought home the bacon!
Veena says – I could never have achieved what I did at work if it had not been for the support of my husband- who fully understood the need for me to have a career and shared the family responsibilities. He helped me battle the gender biases I faced, even from my own family, who felt a wife needed to be more at home.
Vikas says – Whenever I was faced with a difficult situation at work, I could always bounce it off Veena for her take on the subject, instead of agonising over it alone. So often, the solution miraculously presented itself!
